Notable American Women (III)

«The American Naming Authority, a collective of women studying the effects of names on behavior, decrees that a name should only have one user. The nearly 1 million American users of the name Mary, for example, do not constitute a unique army who might slaughter all users of the name Nancy, as we earlier supposed, but rather a saturation of the Mary Potential Quotient. simply stated: Too many women with the same name products widespread mediocrity and fatigue. A competition of field events, centering around deployment of a forty-pound medicine ball into hoops and holes, is proposed to determine wich women shall rightly hold the title of their name, with all losers in the same-name category to be designated as helpers–subsets–of the winner, forced to wear wind socks or hip weights to slow down their progress, enslaved to the first Mary, the first Nancy, the first Julia, as the case may be.» (p. 83)

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